The Slow Boat to Pineapple Express

As you may recall from some of the reviews I have already written on this blog, I am a big believer in the movie in a box machine at Fry’s Grocery Store. Although I sometimes wonder who is selecting the movies that are available in the machine (There are about fifteen different National Lampoon’s movies available), I have always gotten functioning movies at a great price. Last night as I was shopping for my weekly supply of lobster tails and popsicles I noticed that the machine had a $.50 special. I went over to the machine and looked for, paid for, and accepted Pineapple Express.

I think I overpaid!

Since I am currently on the third rate cable system I am stuck with at my McMansion, I get some weird channels that no one else seems to. Most of the time this is just a waste of broadcasting space (BYU, Telemundo 2, ESPN Poker, etc.) but once in a while I watch an HDTV channel called HDNet. So far, my two favorite shoes on HDNet are Art Mann Presents and Trailerama. Trailerama is a thirty minute showing of movie trailers. Sometimes they show old movie trailers and sometimes they show movies that are not yet out in the theaters. The last time I watched the show they had a wrap up of the 2008 movie year with a bald movie critic from the Village Voice (I think he said he was from LA). I do not know who this joker is or even what the circulation of the Village Voice amounts to, but I know he did not get off to a very good start with me. His #5 movie of 2008 was The Wrestler. This is a movie I am very excited about seeing and I hope is as good as everyone has been saying. His #4 movie was Slumdog Millionaire. I am also interested in seeing the movie but will probably wait for it to find its way into the movie in a box machine. Coming in at #3 was Pineapple Express. I initially scoffed at this rating but then the bald wonder waxed poetically about how it was not just a chronic picture it was a poignant movie about friendship and male bonding. Then movie #2 was revealed and it was Wall-E. When I stopped laughing after about 6 minutes I should have written on my hand “don’t rent anything suggested by this show.” Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20.

The good news is, I will not be reviewing Wall-E. The bad news is, I am reviewing Pineapple Express.

Pineapple Express is basically a chase picture involving a stoner, the stoner’s dealer, the dealer’s middleman, the middleman’s supplier and the supplier’s competitor. This movie was written by Seth Rogan and the story was done by Judd Apatow. I think these two guys are generally great together and have produced or participated in some great recent comedies (Superbad, Knocked Up, Anchorman and Forgetting Sarah Marshall). Unfortunately, they stooped to a really low level here and came out with an all time blow-out. You might say, this movie went up in smoke early on.

Rogan stars as Dale Denton, a bud smoking process server who witnesses a murder. The rest of the picture is basically just slow moving marijuana jokes and a ton of kicks, punches, and knees to the groin of Dale’s dealer Saul Silver (played by James Franco) as they run from the murderers. The only other memorable character in this picture is Red, Saul’s middleman, played by Danny McBride. I say memorable character because I am still disappointed in the acting development of Mr. McBride. You may be saying: “Warren, what do you know about acting development?” I know nothing of acting development. But, as I have watched this guy in both this movie and The Foot Fist Way, I think he could be really funny. He seems to have excellent timing and he just looks funny. Unfortunately, I feel like he is not building on his gift. Some of my critique could be of the writing that he has to work with but it just seems as though he sets the viewer up with a good look or a funny physical action and then he might deliver a good line but then he wants to go back to square one and start all over. I just don’t think he is building on his success on a line by line, action by action basis.

Seth Rogan and James Franco meanwhile just kind of phoned this one in. I don’t know how many people in the world still smoke the reefer but I guess all it takes is one studio executive! Movies like this should never be made.

I really don’t have an opinion on the legalization of marijuana. What I do have an opinion on is why do we have to keep pushing the idea that marijuana smoking is cool and it makes you deliver slow jokes and it gets you into zany predicaments and makes you eat Cheetos and see the world differently and make stronger friendships? And best of all though, most of the time marijuana comedies rarely offer any consequences. Our Nation settled with the largest tobacco growers for billions of dollars to combat cigarette smoking and to remove ads from magazines and to stop actors from smoking on television. And yet, we continue to show smoking marijuana as being cool and fun and predominantly without consequence. I mean, who is speaking more to the teenagers we are supposedly trying to protect – the Marlboro Man or some of our most recognized young comedic actors?

So, I will get off my soap box now but I won’t get back on the Pineapple Express. I have seen several movies lately where the funny parts from the preview are the funny parts from the entire movie. In Pineapple Express the “funny” parts from the preview were actually less funny in the movie.

So, to wrap this one up let me just say that the Pineapple Express should have been derailed before it ever left the Station.

Warren